I am 29 years of age and so unhappy. I don’t know where or how to start. I need your help, your advice and your counsel. I write with tears in my eyes because I am about to lose another wonderful man in my life and the problem is that I feel I deserve what he is doing to me.
I have always been a very beautiful lady and knew it but along the line, about 10 years back, I started gaining weight so much so that no matter what I did, I couldn’t lose it. I tried everything and when I say everything, I mean everything from dieting, starving, exercising, purging, slim teas and other solutions. Over the years, it continued and started to affect my self esteem, I noticed I was no longer getting the kind of attention I used to get and this made me desperate because I knew I wasn’t the same as before, this led me into several wrong, abusive and bad relationships just so I could feel accepted. I got pregnant and had abortions four different times for four different men, I smoked and drank so much just to cover up my pains but all these never helped. These habits only drove me deeper into the abyss of my self pity.
Along the line, after several rejections and pain, I decided to get my life back on track not minding what anyone thought about me, I graduated, got a job and continued my life peacefully, or so I thought. Sometime in 2009, I started noticing a lump on my throat and I was always tired, depressed and the weight gain was worse than it had ever been in the past, I grew out of my clothes every two weeks, I couldn’t manage walking even the shortest distance and my period practically ceased.
I went to the hospital and after series of test, it was discovered I had Hypothyriodism, a hormone deficiency condition, I also found out that the condition was linked to my weight gain, moodiness, depression and tiredness over the years, I was glad to find out what the problem was and started on hormone supplements which the doctors said I would be on for the rest of my life.
Now, I have met a great guy who just adores me but sometimes I get so depressed he doesn’t understand why, I am tired most of the time and he wonders why I am big even as I try so hard to eat right. I don’t know how to tell him about my condition, I feel it would drive him away or he might just stay on out of pity for me. I have tried to explain a bit of it to him but I am scared he might never understand what this is all about. I am worried about his family and people laughing at him for dating a fat lady and most of all am worried about what the doctors said about my condition, they said hypothyriodic woman have a hard time getting pregnant and when they do, they always suffer a miscarriage. Now I want a family of my own, I might not be able to have one, how do I tell him all these, and prove to him that I could get pregnant because of my previous pregnancies? Wouldn’t that amount to opening a can of worms? I am so confused but I love him, I really do. After all those years of being lost and abused, I am now a changed person with a new man and Hypothyrodism wants to destroy my happiness, is this Karma? What do I do? Please tell me before I call off the relationship for fear of the unknown.
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